Rabbit Hole
by jhuniemarieilarde
Summary: The boy is observant though and too clever for his own good. He knows Effie barely eats. She doesn't sleep as well and when she does, she sleeps so deep nothing can really wake her up. When she opens her eyes, she's almost out of it. He knows it all but he keeps it to himself. He lets her pretend not for his sake but for hers. SET AFTER MJ pt. 2. Peeta took Effie back to Twelve.
1. Chapter 1

_So I've done a couple of hayffie stories now because I cannot get enough of them and I really want to know what happens after MJ part 2 so I got another one which is probably going to be a lot longer than the previous stories I made. Have fun!_

* * *

The war is over but the aftermath remains. The government is still trying to find its footing and the city is divided. Hate is still present and chaos remains between Capitols and rebels. The freedom to choose where one might want to live has been granted and people are travelling everywhere.

Effie could have been everywhere but she chose to remain in the Capitol for Peeta. He is still receiving his therapy from Dr. Aurelius to fully recover from the hi-jacking. She knows he's been dying to get back to Twelve to be with Katniss. He's not particularly happy with her exile but at least she's not in prison after killing Coin.

The goodbye was pleasant or she tried it to be. She just got in a fight with Haymitch when he told her he's going with Katniss to Twelve after Aster bailed on her daughter and ran off to Four. At some point, she expected that to happen. The woman barely recovered when her husband died. With the death of her youngest daughter and her eldest' exile to Twelve, she snapped and ran. The argument was not pretty. He wanted her to come with them to Twelve and she just got out of the hospital. She asked him for a good reason why she should pack everything and go but he wasn't able to voice out what he really wanted to say. Perhaps, there is nothing really for him to say. Still, she held herself perfectly when she came to say goodbye to the both of them properly.

A lot has happened since they left. The government seized her fortune and other material possession to compensate for her participation during the games. It was traumatizing for her. It reminded her so much of that time when the Peacekeepers dragged her by her wig and locked her in prison. They only went easy on her when Peeta showed up. The boy brought her to the bathroom so she can breathe properly. It was the first time the boy has seen her had a panic attack. As much as she can, she tries to hide it from him because she doesn't it to undo his progress with his own mental health.

The boy is observant though and too clever for his own good. He knows Effie barely eats. She doesn't sleep as well and when she does, she sleeps so deep nothing can really wake her up. When she opens her eyes, she's almost out of it. He suspects that she's taking something to get herself to sleep but he didn't ask. He also knows about her smoking habit and the 'occasional' drinking which happens almost every day. He knows about the rebels who harass her when she walked out the door. He knows what the rebels did to her family. He knows it all but he keeps it to himself. He lets her pretend not for his sake but for hers.

Effie did not bother finding herself a job. No one will want to take her on. A former escort is too controversial for anyone to take a risk on. Her father planned their finances pretty well. He more like had predicted the war and secured a trust for his family and since she's the only one left, everything went to her. She's rich. She's filthy rich. She's probably richer than President Paylor but she doesn't let it show. It will attract attention if she suddenly buys a large apartment. She toned down her appearance as well. No more wigs and haute couture clothes for her. She settled on being casual and plain or at least try to.

The night is hard for her to bear, the darkness that surrounds her. She always keeps the lights open just to make herself calm. She would drink lots of vodka to force herself to sleep but it's not enough. She knows she's too dependent on pills and has tried to quit several times which ends up with her walking around the apartment barefooted, hyped and very awake, trying to exhaust herself to she can fall asleep. That didn't last long because she gave in each time so she can survive the night of darkness and wake up to see the sun.

Then the time has come for Peeta to go back to Twelve. His therapy sessions are over and he can finally fend for himself without fear of killing anyone who crosses paths with him, not unless something triggers him.

"You don't have to stay here, Effie. This is a different Panem now. We can choose where we want to stay", he said while she's helping him pack.

"I doubt about this Panem being different. Why are you going back to District Twelve then?" she asked.

"…because our team is there, our family is there", he answered.

Effie stopped moving. Team. She always thought of them as her team but most of the time she's wondering, if she's ever part of theirs. She's been quickly forgotten during the war. Katniss forgot to put her name on the list and it even took Haymitch couple of days to realize she's not in Thirteen. Sometimes, that fact made it easy for her to just believe what the Peacekeepers used to say to her being unimportant for them and how she was just used for fun…that she wasn't loved at all.

"Of course, you should go. They're your family", she muttered.

Peeta held her hand.

"Look at me and stopped thinking about the Peacekeepers", he said knowing what's going on in her mind. He spent quite a lot of time with her in prison to know the things they forced in her brain to believe. "We are your family. You are important to us and we love you. Trust me when I say they will be delighted to see you come home with me", he said softly.

Her brain couldn't quite accept that but she didn't say. All her life, she has known the Capitol as her home. Is it that easy to just drop everything and go?

"There is no stopping you here, Effie. You know that. Capitol is no longer your home. I don't want to leave you here by yourself. Please come with me. Please", the boy pleaded.

"Twelve is not my home either. You know what I did. I reaped your children. I reaped you twice. No one will be happy to see me there", she explained.

"I will be. I will be happy if you're there. I can't do this without you. If you don't want to do this for yourself, then do this for me. Katniss and Haymitch know how is it to be in the games but you understand what it was like to be in that cell. You understand the nightmares and the episodes. They don't. I need you there. Please", he pleaded again.

If there's one thing that is constant, it's the fact that Effie cannot refuse the children. She took a deep sigh and looked at his eyes.

"Fine. I will go to Twelve with you", she agreed.


	2. Chapter 2

_Effie and Peeta are back in Twelve! I know how it sucks for her to see Haymitch with another woman. This is so fun to play with honestly..._

* * *

Being exiled at the other side of the planet sucks. Aside from the fact that Twelve is more likely a mass graveyard, supplies and electricity are limited. Katniss spent her days hunting just like what she always does while Haymitch contracted what's left of Twelve's citizen for any bottle he can get a hold of.

That's how their days went. She hunts. He drinks. At night, they both scream from their own nightmares. They're the only ones living in the Village and yet their screams are enough to fill it.

Slowly, Twelve rebuild again. More supplies came in which means more booze for Haymitch. His habit of visiting clubs has been reignited. He swore to take care of Katniss but he didn't really do much of that. In fact, Katniss ended up taking care of him when he's passed out along the streets. She doesn't mind. It takes her mind off things. She grew up taking care of other people so what's one more drunk person to take care of.

"This is not a good time", he heard Katniss talking to someone when he opened his eyes.

It could be Sae. She always come by the house to check on them and make sure they're still alive. He noticed another human being lying naked next to him. Hazelle. She's been his constant sex partner when he resumed drinking. He thought it's better than multiple women. It's not entirely safe.

He didn't bother putting on his pants. Sae has seen him in his boxers lots of times. She won't mind.

"You guys know it's very early in the morning to whisper down here and you have your own house right?" he said as soon as he stepped downstairs.

He stopped walking when his eyes found the boy standing in his living room. Katniss is next to him with smile on her face and something else.

"You're back. That's good. You're all good, right?" he asked him.

"Yeah, I'm good for the most part. I got my triggers but it's manageable", Peeta answered and then eyed him. "You could at least put on some pants, you know", he added.

Haymitch scoffed.

"Nothing you ain't seen before. I thought you're Sae and surely she won't mind either", he said.

Peeta looked suddenly uncomfortable like there's something else he's not telling. He was about to ask when the door suddenly opened and Effie came in. She failed to close the door because her eyes immediately fixated on him like she has seen a ghost.

"Effie", he muttered.

She remained frozen. It was Katniss who made the move to close the door so they will not freeze to death inside the house.

"We just got off the train this morning. I thought we should go here and see you", Peeta explained.

Haymitch can still see their suitcases. His eyes fell back on her. Her blue eyes won't leave his grey ones. It's been almost five months and it seemed like it's forever.

"Hello, Haymitch", Effie finally spoke and her voice reminded him of everything before he started throwing his life again for alcohol.

He's happy she's fine. He's happy she's with them. He's angry that she didn't come when he asked her to. He's angry when she didn't call or write when they're apart. He's feeling everything all at once.

"Haymitch?" a voice called from upstairs.

Everyone froze. Effie's eyes darted upstairs waiting for someone to make an appearance while Katniss held her breath. Finally, Hazelle joined them wearing only his shirt from the night before.

"Oh, I didn't know you got company. Peeta?" Hazelle muttered.

"Hi, Mrs. Hawthorne", Peeta greeted reluctantly.

Effie clenched her right fist in order to control herself. She clenched it so tight that her nails dug deep on her palm. She stopped when she felt the sting and her heart rate went stable.

"Hi, Effie Trinket. I'm afraid we haven't been properly introduced", she said and offered her hand.

Hazelle took it willingly.

"Hazelle Hawthorne. It's nice to finally meet you. I've heard so much about you and I've only been seeing you on stage or on television", the woman said.

Effie stiffened but she didn't let it show. She kept the smile on her face she practiced her entire life.

"Well, we didn't mean to be a bother. It's early in the morning. Peeta wanted to stop by to say hi but I think it's time for us to go and settle. It has been a tiring journey", she said cheerfully.

Her escort tone and voice scared Haymitch. It's been a while since he heard her like that. He knows her too well. He knows it's her mask.

"Oh, I'm sure. We won't hold you", Hazelle replied.

Effie gave one last smile and avoided Haymitch's eyes. Peeta picked up their suitcases and together they left Haymitch's house leaving Katniss with Hazelle and Haymitch.

"You didn't mention them coming here", Hazelle said to Katniss.

"I don't have to. You don't live here", she snapped. "I want to talk to Haymitch alone", she added.

Hazelle did not protest and went upstairs.

"Don't have to be rude to her. She's not her son", Haymitch muttered.

"No kidding. Effie's here. What are you going to do?" the girl asked.

"What is there to do? If she wants to stay here, it's a free Panem. She can do what she wants", he answered.

"You can fool yourself but not me. Remember, I spent months picking you up when you're too drunk to even walk. All you do is whine about her. Better make up your mind now, Haymitch, because she's here", Katniss said.


	3. Chapter 3

_I thought about Betty from Riverdale when she's clenching her fist and her nails are digging into her palm to control herself and I think that will fit perfectly with Effie's personality and how she will deal with things because she's not used to making a scene and breaking down so she will have to find some ways to release it. Haymitch is pressing her buttons!_

* * *

Peeta offered his house to Effie. They've gotten used to sharing space that it's somehow wrong to think about living in two different rooms now.

He watched as Effie chain-smoked her way to his house. She didn't bother hiding that one habit from him anymore. He knows she's very stressed. From the moment she stepped out of the train, she never relaxed especially when eyes started to follow her back. She took her time outside when they arrived in the Village while he talked to Katniss. He knows she smoked then and now, she's doing it again and again.

"Are you okay?" he asked breaking the silence between them.

"There is no reason for me not to be", she answered vaguely.

He sighed.

"Eff, it's me. You can drop it. I didn't know that Haymitch…I didn't know", he said.

Effie inhaled some more smoke before facing him.

"It's his business, Peeta. It's rude to interfere or even talk about relationship of other people. We are not together so there's no explanation needed. I am here because you wanted me to be here. You said you need me and that's enough", she said.

Peeta let the conversation drop. He cannot win it especially when Effie is agitated.

The dinner that night is awkward. It's a good thing Hazelle is not present or things will go down south fast. Peeta and Katniss are talking about random stories just to fill the air while Effie is just playing with her plate. Haymitch watches her every move.

"Are you ever going to eat that?" he asked directly at her.

The kids stopped talking while Effie stopped playing with her fork and looked at Haymitch. If only tension can cut, they will be bleeding by now.

"I'm just exhausted. That's all", she lied and he can see right through it.

He saw the jewelries around her fingers and arms.

"See, you still haven't lost your taste to useless stuff", he muttered.

"Haymitch", Peeta called out but he was ignored.

"A couple of neighbor sold them to me. The government seized their savings even though they're not related to the games and they needed the money so I bought them", she explained casually.

She used the tone she uses when she's dealing with sponsors during their time in the games.

"What about your savings? You're part of the games", Katniss intervened and that earned her a glare from Peeta.

"Oh, they seized mine too. Raided my apartment even. They took almost everything but I managed", she answered while vaguely brushing the fact that the rebels yelled at her face that her whole body shook in fear.

Peeta caught her hand under the table to calm her down.

"How come you're able to buy diamonds then?" Haymitch asked again.

"Okay, I think we should move to another topic", Peeta tried to sway but Effie stopped him.

"My father left me a trust fund. He was prepared", she answered.

She kept her eyes on Haymitch refusing to back down from his hostile treatment.

"Well, still daddy's girl, eh? When are you going back to the Capitol then? Surely, Mommy Trinket and Daddy Trinket are missing you by now. Don't you want to be with them?" Haymitch taunted.

That hit a nerve but she controlled it by clenching her fist again under Peeta's hand. The sting didn't do much to calm her as it supposed to but enough for her to prevent herself from crying in front of them.

"I considered it and I'm very much tempted right now", she answered coldly and turned to the kids. "Please, excuse me. I am really tired. I will go ahead and turn in. Thank you for the dinner", she said and left the house.

The three remained quiet for a few minutes before anyone can comprehend what just happened.

"Do you really have to work her up?" Peeta asked Haymitch.

"What did I do? I just asked her when she's going back", he asked him back completely clueless.

Katniss waited for an answer too.

"Her parents are dead", Peeta said and that shut both Haymitch and Katniss up. "They were executed by the rebels for being associated with the games. They executed her sister and her nephew as well. They didn't go on trial. They're guilty because Effie used to be an escort. She was there when it happened", he continued.

Katniss almost gasped while Haymitch remained speechless.

"I spent weeks trying to get her to talk. I brought her here because I want her to be with us but also because I am afraid to leave her alone. She's not doing well. She's financially well-off but she's not well. I don't mind you sleeping around and all but please don't push her to the edge. I brought her here to heal, not to be completely broken", he added.

"Oh my god…I cannot believe they did that. I thought they're supposed to be different from Snow", Katniss muttered.

Peeta scoffed.

"Capitol is a mess right now and the rebels are targeting the Capitols anyway they could. Effie can barely walk outside without them insulting her. It's not heaven", he explained.

Haymitch remained silent calculating the things he just said earlier. He was rude and insensitive. He's annoyed that it took her so long to come back without thinking she came. _I considered it and I'm very much tempted right now_. The words kept running on a loop in his brain.

"Keep eating. I need some air", he said and leave.


	4. Chapter 4

_Hayffie awkward talk...we all know Haymitch is not the most vocal person when it comes to his feelings and Effie wanted to hear from him that she matters since the Peacekeepers repeatedly told her she doesn't so we have the conflict..._

* * *

The night in Twelve is chilly but the cold doesn't even bother Effie anymore. She felt numb. She leaned against the post of Peeta's porch as she smokes her sorrow away. Twelve isn't her home. It never was. Capitol isn't her home anymore either. No Districts will not recognize her. There is no place she can go where she can start over. Starting over is an illusion and her head is very clear for that fantasy.

"You're back on that habit, huh?" Haymitch said when he reached her.

He has known her to smoke back in the day but he had asked her to stop and she did because he doesn't like the smell of it.

"It helps. I can't just go around drunk", she said without looking at him.

"Drinking is not for you anyway", he muttered which is meant to be a tease but she didn't give him any.

"That's for the night", she said and that made him worried.

Effie doesn't drink or at least she used not to drink. She hates it. She's always the sober one.

"Look, I'm sorry about your parents. I didn't know", he apologized.

"I know. You don't have to…and it's not just my parents. It's everyone", she replied.

She refused to meet his eyes though he's seeking for hers. She focused on her cigarettes as she devoured stick after stick.

"You came after all. I thought you don't want to", he said.

"I never said that. I stated the obvious. There were a lot things to stop me from going and they're still present", she said.

"What changed?" he asked.

"Peeta needs me. He said he needs me. He said he can't do it without me so I went with him", she answered.

_Tell me why I should just drop everything and go with you._

_What do you want me to say?_

_Give me one good reason why you want me to come with you._

_Effie, I don't have time for this. The girl needed me._

_Of course, the children always come first. Go, Katniss needs you._

He never told her why he really wants her to be with him. He put Katniss first again and he left her there to put up with the rebels and they even made her watch as they kill her entire family in front of her. She would've gone with him if only he's been brave enough to show her a little hint of emotion and tell her he needs her too but he's a coward when it comes to his feelings.

"The children always come first", he repeated her words.

"Don't they always?" she muttered and crushed the butt of the cigarette with her boots.

He then noticed how much weight she lost. She did lose weight after they rescued her from prison but she managed to regain some while recovering in the hospital but now, she lost it all again. The dark circles around her eyes are barely hidden by her makeup. _I considered it and I'm very much tempted right now. _Now, he's deeply worried.

"…about what you saw earlier…" he started.

"…like I said to Peeta, there's no need to explain. You don't owe me anything. You're free to be with anyone you like", she cut him off.

It's not like her to just cut someone while talking but things changed. She has changed.

"It was nothing. I don't owe you any explanation but I still feel like I should tell you. It was nothing", he insisted.

Effie is clenching again with him noticing it, of course. He has been noticing that since she arrived in the Village.

"It's fine, Haymitch", she muttered and then finally turned to him. "It's good to see you're doing well. I am afraid I must go to bed. I will see you tomorrow. Good night, Haymitch", she added.

He unconsciously grabbed her arm to stop her from leaving. She flinched and he let go.

"Sorry", he said.

"It's not you. I can't really help that part since after the war", she explained.

"…about everything. I'm sorry", he clarified.

For a moment, he saw the mask cracked before it magically healed again.

"Good night, Haymitch", she muttered and then left.

She didn't sleep. She cannot sleep. Peeta had his first nightmare back in the Village so she refused to take the pill so she can be there for him. He's right to ask her to come with him. She knows how to handle him when he lost track of reality. She pulls him back from the nightmare and the false memories they planted in his brain.

The pack of cigarette went down fast that night. It's the only thing she can do to keep herself calm because it's too dark in the Village. They got lights but it is still dark unlike the city. When she looked outside, she could see people still up at wee hours of night but not in the Village. It's like a ghost town. It's making her nervous and scared. Her hand won't stop shaking as she smokes.

Peeta woke up three times that night and Effie is with him the whole time.

"I just want for all of it to be over", he muttered while she's cradling him in her arms.

"They are over. We're here in Twelve. We're in your home", she said.

"Are we safe?" he asked.

"You're safe, dear. No one is going to hurt you again. I promise", she answered and tuck him to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

_So, the issue of Effie abusing pills and stuff has always been interesting for me because it makes sense given her lifestyle and all the things that has happened with her life. She's not a drinker like Haymitch and she has to put a good face in public so drunk Effie will not do during her time in the game._

* * *

During breakfast, Effie is hyper. She already finished cleaning Peeta's house, activity she started at three in the morning. Then, she moved to Katniss' house when she went out the woods to hunt. If last night she's quiet, now, she won't stop talking.

"I know you are paying for someone to clean your places but whoever you're paying is not doing a good job at it. Everything is unorganized! Well, no need to worry about that now. I got time in my hands. I will take care of it for you", she said in a high pitch tone that made Haymitch wince.

"Really, Effie…there's no need for you to do all that. I don't mind the house being unorganized", Katniss said embarrassed that Effie cleaned her house.

"Oh, nonsense! It will give me something to do. I would actually ask Haymitch if it's okay for me to clean his too but I am sure he got someone to do that for him", Effie dismissed with a wave of her hand.

He didn't say anything and just watch her as she continues on rambling about the Village and the districts. Peeta is also keeping an eye on her but only responding when she's talking to him. After the breakfast, Katniss and Peeta volunteered to do the dishes.

"So, do you have someone to clean your house? I will be happy to do it for you", Effie asked Haymitch when they were left alone in the living room.

He moved closer to her and when she didn't move away, he went even closer.

"What are you taking?" he asked, almost a whisper so the kids won't hear.

She frowned for a moment before she saw that he's being serious in his question. She suddenly felt conscious and defensive.

"Nothing! I was just asking you if you need help with your house and that lead you to assume I am on something? That is ridiculous, Haymitch", she answered.

He took a deep sigh. He has known her for years and he has seen her during her low times when she's dealing with her mother's criticism to the point she overworked herself and neglected her own health. He knows she's taking something.

"You didn't sleep. You are hyped like you drank bottles of energy drink. You cleaned Peeta's and Katniss' houses and you're still full of energy and you won't stop rambling. What did you take?" he asked again with a firmer tone.

Effie stopped talking and looked at him. There is no point in denying it. She knows that he can see it. You don't work with someone for more than ten years and not know.

"I'm fine", is all she can say to him.

She cannot think of any excuse and she doesn't want to lie to his face, although she just did.

"You stopped the pills. You promised you will not walk that path again, sweetheart. You swore. Do you want _that_ to happen again?" he asked. There's a mix of worry, concern, and anger in his voice.

He's talking about that time they lost both of their Tributes. Haymitch just got back from his night out with Chaff since he needed the booze and he didn't want to aggravate Effie since she was taking the lost so badly. She has grown attached to the kids and their lost was painful for her. The penthouse was dark which was unusual because she always leaves the light on for him when he's out.

_"__Eff!" he called but no one answered him so he decided to knock on her bedroom door._

His heart pounded and his guts turned when she didn't respond. It's _that_ instinct and he knew something's wrong. He kicked the door opened and found Effie on the bed passed out, still holding the bottle of pills, almost empty.

_"__Shit. Shit. Shit", he cursed under his breath as he carried her with both arms and took her to the bathroom._

Haymitch put Effie into the tub and ran the water cold. He forced her to throw up which wasn't easy but he managed to do it. He yelled at her so she would keep her eyes open because he wasn't sure if he got it all out of her system. He must've because she survived that one and spent the following hours listening to his lectures and yelling to which Effie promised she will no longer touch any bottle of pills ever.

With that in mind, he now cannot believe that she is back on that road again. The mere thought of her popping that in her mouth makes him mad. The image of her unconscious on her bed is lingering in his brain.

"That was a different time. I told you. It wasn't working and I lost track on how many I took", she explained.

She did tell him that but he didn't believe her.

"Why take them now? Why put that crap in your body?" he asked.

"I _need_ them. I just do…" she answered and then exhaled. "I cannot go to sleep without them. I can try and drink myself to sleep but…I just _need_ them", she added.

It's amazing how he can get the truth out of her when she wanted so much to hide it from him of all of people. He always has that effect on her.

The alcohol help with putting her to sleep but it wasn't enough to cloud the nightmares so she relied on pills, heavily.

"Is that the only thing you're taking?" he asked again.

She's not ready to get into her self-medicating problem. It's embarrassing and sacred for her.

"Just the pills", she answered vaguely just to blur the fact that there's more.

"You're not going to take any more of that. We can work with the alcohol. That won't kill you if you have too much, well, maybe not right away. Pills are going to trash, you hear me? Don't make me go through your stuff, princess", he said.

She wanted to protest but with that look on his face, he will definitely go to her room and throw everything so it's better to agree even that would be painful for her.

"Fine. No more pills", she agreed.


	6. Chapter 6

_I always thought of Effie being Haymitch's anchor and without her, he's a timed bomb. So I spun it the way that his anchor is the one that is a ticking timed bomb and he is finally seeing himself, what he is or used to be, in her and realizing how frightening that would be if she actually ended up like him._

* * *

Effie stuck with that, of course. She threw her sleeping pills down the sink. If there's one thing she still upholds up to this day is that she never goes back on her word. She agreed to Haymitch that she won't take sleeping pills anymore and that's what she's going to do. On the other hand, she didn't swear on her anti-anxiety pills. She is not ready to let that one go yet. It calms her down when she's about to burst so she held on to it.

The following days weren't easy. She couldn't sleep at all. It is driving her to the wall but she's good at keeping it from Peeta. With Haymitch, it's a different story. She cannot hide anything from him. He just knows. The kids are busy catching up with each other, spending time in the woods or in the kitchen while Peeta bakes. They are in their own little world.

Meanwhile, Effie decided to consume Haymitch's stock of liquor in his house. Whisky is not her poison but desperate times, desperate measures.

"Sweetheart, it's not yet ten in the morning and you're devouring my bottle", Haymitch muttered when he found her pouring herself a drink in the kitchen.

"I cut the pills, Haymitch. The cigarette is not helping and I need to fall asleep. It's been days", she explained in a cold tone.

He watched her down the first glass in one go. It left him stunned. He knows she's been drinking now. The boy has told him. She mentioned it once too, but he has never seen how bad it is. It's like looking in the mirror. He can see himself in her and it's scaring him a lot. She's far from the woman he used to know before the war. All the propriety, manners, ladylike acts, they're all gone out the window. He's looking at the remnants of the person she used to be.

"It is rude to stare. I thought I taught you better than that", she spat when she caught him looking.

"I was never good at listening anyway", he teased and it didn't earn him a smile.

She continued drinking to the point the taste of the liquor doesn't bother her anymore. He remembered her hating the taste before.

"Stop that", he muttered under his breath.

Effie shot him a look.

"Are you serious? I already stopped taking sleeping pills. What more do you want from me?" she asked in annoyance.

"I want you to be better. I want you to be okay again. Of course, that is so much to ask but at least what I want for you is to not end up like me", he snapped.

That put her silent. She spent years resenting his drinking habits, how wasted he got each night, and she's going down that road too. She's falling into the same rabbit hole as he is without her realizing it.

All she wants is to shut all the voices in her head, for the nightmares to stop coming at night so that she will no longer be afraid to close her eyes. She wants to erase the image of her family being killed in her brain. She wants them to be alive again. As sick as it sounds, she wants her life back. It's hard for her to swallow that all of that is long over. Her life has come down to her being in Haymitch's kitchen, consuming his alcohol that she used to hate, with him in front of her asking her stop following his footsteps.

"Well, it's a little hypocritical on your part then, huh", she muttered trying her best to control her breathing.

She is not going to have a panic attack in front of him. She will not give him that. She clenched her fist again and let her nails dug deep in her palm. It already stings but it's not yet working so she clenched harder. She's too focused on chasing that feeling of relief that she didn't notice him already next to her.

The warmth of his hand is the first thing that snapped her out of her chase. He held her clenched fist and forced her to let go. She heard his gasp when he saw her palm wounded and bleeding.

"We need to clean this before it gets infected", he said softly.

She's falling apart and he cannot afford to see it.

"I need to go my room", she said instead and bolted.

He didn't expect her to be that fast. He barely caught up with her. The kids saw them but he waved them off to leave them alone and Katniss knew it's best to leave them alone so she pulled Peeta out of the way and let Haymitch ran after Effie to Peeta's house.

"Effie!" he yelled as soon as he got in the house but she didn't answer.

Haymitch ran upstairs while trying to catch his breath. Peeta told him she is staying in his guestroom so that's where he went.

He can already hear her panting in the bathroom followed by sobs. She's crying. He just knows. When he slightly pushed the door, he found her struggling to open another bottle of pills but she cannot manage to get it done.

His instinct took over and snatched the bottle from her hands.

"Give it to me", she said in a desperate voice.

"You promised to stop this", he reminded her.

"It's not the same. I need that. Please", she pleaded.

Haymitch read the label and she's right. It's not the sleeping pills she used to take. He put the bottle away from her reach and pulled her into his arms. He knows she needs that bottle but he will not let her fall deep into the rabbit hole. He wasn't there when she needed him. He's there now. He's present and he will do everything he can to keep her safe, to help her mend.

"Haymitch, please…" she pleaded, begging rather as she cries and tries to stabilize her breathing.

He tightened his hold on her.

"Breathe, sweetheart. You don't need that crap. I'm here. Focus on me, on _this_, and breathe. I am right here and I ain't going anywhere. I promise", he said.


	7. Chapter 7

_cat's out of the bag for everyone! I think Haymitch shedding his addiction for her is the greatest sacrifice and both of them going through the withdrawal will be rough but they do have each other at least. Hayffie for life!_

* * *

"What's wrong with her?" Katniss asked Haymitch when she returned with cups of coffee for her, Haymitch and Peeta.

They all settled in Peeta's living room to keep an eye on Effie who finally has fallen asleep after her panic attack. Somehow, the kids were oblivious at her actual state since she got to Twelve, well, Katniss at the very least. Peeta has an idea but he forgot about it because of Katniss.

"The same thing like the rest of us. The war damaged her", Haymitch answered and took a sip on his cup.

He needs to be awake for Effie. She might be hiding more bottles at her disposal although he made sure there's none left in her suitcases. He was surprised to find six bottles in her things which alarmed him more than earlier. Those cost money too and no doctor will prescribed her that much.

"So, she's addicted to pills…sleeping pills? Anti-anxiety pills? I don't understand", Katniss asked.

"Effie takes sleeping pills to avoid the nightmares. It sort of dulls her mind and she falls asleep without any nightmares or dreams of any kind. She never said it out loud. I figured it out because she's always fuzzy when she woke up the next day. The anti-anxiety pills were prescribed by Dr. Aurelius when I was still being treated. It helps with her panic attacks but she stopped coming to his office. I thought that one was over", Peeta answered and then focused on staring on the wall. "I asked her to come here because I told her I need her. She knows how to get me out of the episodes and the nightmares. I knew coming back here will make it worse and it did. I think she stopped taking the sleeping pills so she will be awake when I get the nightmares", he added.

Haymitch suspected as such. Effie will not insist on staying at Peeta's house without any reason. She hates bothering the children with her issues and Peeta is one observant kid.

"Ain't your fault, kid. You know that. This isn't the first time she had trouble with the pills. You don't work for the games and not have some self-destructive habits. Pills are hers. Helps her sleep at night. I managed to get her to stop but she relapsed", Haymitch said.

He didn't go into the details. Effie will not like that but it's better that the kids have an idea what's going on with her rather than being fooled by her escort act. She's also human and they need to know that.

"What do we do now? We can't let her stay dependent on pills. Those stuff will kill her. How come she can still afford them anyway? Mom said those are expensive", Katniss asked again.

Good question.

"I told you. She's financially well-off. Her father left her a trust fund before they were executed. I am not sure if the trust fund is entirely left to her but since she's the only surviving relative, everything goes to her. She's basically rich, stinking rich", Peeta answered.

Loads of money and a drug addiction problem is not a good combination at all.

"I threw her bottles. She's not taking anything else and she's not going to drink any more whisky. I already threw my stash too. I hate her smoking habit but it's better than alcohol and pills although I will work on how to make her quit smoking at some point", Haymitch said.

The kids shot him a look of surprised.

"You threw your liquor?" Peeta asked in disbelief.

"Yeah…she's right about me being hypocritical. If I want her to quit, I should too. It's only fair", he answered.

"That might kill you. Remember when you went cold turkey in Thirteen?" the girl asked.

That was hell for him but not as much as the thought of losing Effie again.

"I will keep maybe one bottle of wine to ease the shaking but that's it", Haymitch answered.

He sent the kids next door so they can rest. Watching over Effie is his job or it's what he took upon himself to do. Effie then bolted from her sleep screaming. Nightmares.

"Sweetheart…open your eyes", he said softly but make sure not to stand close to her to avoid getting his eyes clawed out.

She did but seems to be like her brain is stuck someplace else. She kept looking around, unaware she's still in Peeta's guestroom.

"Eff, you're in District Twelve, specifically in Peeta's guestroom. The war is over. We're safe", he reminded her.

She looked lucid enough to digest what he just said but her heart rate is still racing.

"No one is going to hurt you again. I promise you. I'm here and you're safe, princess", he assured her.

Tears fell involuntarily from her eyes but she's not sobbing. They just fell and she didn't try to resist it.

"Am I really safe? Because I don't feel anywhere near it", she asked. Her voice sounds broken.

He felt a pain in his chest. It hurts him to see her broken like that when she's not supposed to be broken. She's Effie Trinket. She's supposed to be loud, colorful, and bubbly. The Capitol stole that from her too along with her innocence and naivety.

"I know, sweetheart. Some days, I don't feel it too but it's true. You just have to hang on a little longer to see for yourself. I will be right here with you every step of the way. I ain't leaving", he answered.

She saw no lies in his eyes. Her gaze then fell on her opened suitcase on the floor.

"You threw everything, don't you?" she asked.

"Yeah…threw my booze too", he answered and she gave him the same look the kids gave him earlier. "We do this together, yeah? Baby steps and we will get there. We do this together", he said while holding her hand.

"Together then", she agreed.


	8. Chapter 8

_in the midst of their journey to sobriety is a little heart to heart. I would say Effie is not much of a jealous person since she grew up in the Capitol and she knows the business of the games but Haymitch did cross a line that hurt her feelings along the way and she's finally letting it be known to him._

* * *

What he promised is not easy as he made it sound. The withdrawal is a pain in his ass not to mention Effie's. The tremors won't stop and she cannot stop pacing at night, unable to sleep, longing for the pills.

"It's alright if you want to take a sip of the wine", she said while he was watching her pace the living room back and forth.

It's almost midnight and none of them are ready for bed yet. Haymitch insisted for Effie to move in his house so he can keep an eye on her while Peeta moved to Katniss' house so she can be there for him. It's a mutual agreement between all of them. The question of putting two addicts in one house who are both going through withdrawal is a good idea, that is yet to be answered.

"You checked the cupboards, I see", he muttered.

"Yes. I didn't touch it though. I just looked at it for some time", she confirmed. "It's okay. Take a sip so the tremors will stop. You can't just go cold turkey in a snap. That won't do you good", she added.

"What about you?" he asked worrying him drinking will bother her.

"I'm fine. It's not the wine I am craving for anyway. I'll just stick to the cigarettes", she answered.

He got up and poured himself half a glass of red wine. He wanted to down the entire bottle because he cannot get his hands on a bottle of whisky but he's committed.

Effie lit another stick of her cigarette and smoked the craving away. It's the best she can do. She wants to be as committed as Haymitch. If he can deal with his alcohol problem, perhaps she can do the same thing with her pills addiction problem.

Haymitch put back the bottle inside the cupboards once he's done and the glass into the sink. He saw her almost done with the cigarette and about to light a second stick.

"Come to bed with me", he said.

Effie stopped for a moment and looked at him with puzzlement. She's been crashing in his guestroom because she knows he doesn't want anyone sleeping with him on his bed although she remembered Hazelle Hawthorne being able to pull that off so perhaps things had changed.

"I have my own but thank you", she politely declined.

"You're not going to sleep in there. I know. You will just keep staring onto the ceiling until sunrise. Come to bed with me. I need it too", he insisted. She didn't respond. "What?" he asked.

"You don't want me on your bed, Haymitch. You never did. You always kick me out after or it's you who always left", she muttered.

He remembered those times he's being foolish because he didn't want to be attached to her which he failed obviously.

"This time is different", he said softly.

Effie smiled but it is bitter.

"I figured. _She_ was able to do it", she replied.

Hazelle was never discussed since she got back. He tried but she shut him down and didn't open that topic again. He was being wasted and Hazelle was convenient. He wanted to tell her that but he's not sure if Effie will believe it. He's not even sure if Effie didn't have a guy back at the Capitol too.

"Sweetheart, we gotta do what we have to in order to survive. Didn't mean anything", he explained and he knows it's a crappy explanation.

He saw how quickly she put on the mask on her face to hide her disappointment.

"Of course…" she almost whispered.

"Okay…I was in a bad place, alright? I was drunk every single day and you're not here. Besides, we're not together and I don't owe you anything. I am not bound to you, princess. I just missed you and I thought _that_ will make it less…missing you, but I was wrong because as soon as I opened my eyes, I still miss you", he tried explaining again and it sounded angry which is not his intent.

He is really bad at expressing his feelings with her.

"…and I told you, it's none of my business what you do with your life. I will stay at the guestroom. I don't want to cause any trouble with your…relationship with other people. I will be alright", she said.

Haymitch scoffed. "Stop being like this. Stop acting like a stranger, Eff", he said almost pleading. "I know I ain't perfect. Look, I am not faulting you for anything and I know for sure you got pile of men in the Capitol too", he added.

Effie chuckled and lit her second stick. "No, I don't have pile of men anywhere. Let's stop this talk, Haymitch. We're both under the weather. This won't end well. You mind your own business. I mind my own. We go through the withdrawal period together", she proposed.

"I am sorry, Effie. I am sorry. Is that what you want to hear? I will give that to you. I am sorry for sleeping with Hazelle and I will never do it again", he apologized.

She knows he doesn't apologize lightly. An apology followed by her name meant he's serious about it to a degree.

"I am not upset that you fucked another woman, Haymitch", she said under her breath of smoke and the profanity alarmed Haymitch. "You always fuck other women. I am used to it. It's the games. What I am upset about is that she was able to do something you never allowed me to. She spent the night on your bed with you. That is trust, Haymitch. You trusted her and not me. You never gave me that in years we worked together. I know it's not my business who you sleep with and it doesn't bother me that much because I know they don't mean anything to you. Sex is sex with you but that fact, what I saw that morning, I cannot get pass that easily. I accept your apology but I don't think I can resume anything I used to have with you yet", she said.

He took it blow by blow and didn't spit any remarks because he knows he deserves it. She's right. He never allowed her to be that close to him because of his own fears and insecurities and yet he didn't even bother with Hazelle. It's unfair.

"I understand. Just sleep with me. We do nothing else. Just sleep. Please", he said extending his hand to her and as much as she wants to hold her ground, she cannot bring herself to turn him down so she took his hand and put her cigarette down.


	9. Chapter 9

_it's a long chapter! I am sorry but I can't seem to stop writing it. WARNING: it gets intense._

* * *

The warmth of each other's embrace proven to be the best way to cope with the withdrawal. Effie smoked less and Haymitch barely needs the wine to keep the tremors away. They sleep together and cuddle. He never tried to take it any further unless she wants to. She needs time and he understands it. She never mentioned anything about Hazelle again and soon his bedroom became hers as well.

Haymitch already kept his knife in his drawer to avoid hurting her when he gets visited by nightmares which doesn't happen often nowadays ever since Effie sleeps next to him. He wonders if it's because of her or because he finally lets his guard down and let her in.

She, however, gets visited by nightmares every single night. The lack of pills and alcohol in her system makes her prone to them now. The first few nights, she begged him to let her have one pill just to dull her mind a little but he refused and insisted she doesn't need that survive. He held her tight until she fell asleep again. Then, she stopped asking for the pills. She used him as her shield against her nightmares and he's glad to be her shield.

The bags under her eyes started to disappear and they're both making significant progress. The kids are noticing it as well and they're happy about the results.

One month since Effie and Peeta's arrival in Twelve, things are finally settling down. Peeta rarely has his episodes. Haymitch and Katniss are both learning Peeta's and Effie's triggers so they can prevent them having episodes and panic attacks. Things are good except the next day.

Hazelle arrived from District Two with her usual rations to the village. Effie hid herself at the back of Haymitch's house along with the geese because she doesn't want it to be awkward. She didn't fail to see the bottles of whisky Hazelle brought for Haymitch as well as the medicine bag which she's sure contains pain killers.

Effie focused on the noise created by the geese to distract herself from the cravings. She started chain-smoking until she heard the back door opened.

"How many did you smoke?" Haymitch asked.

"I lost count", she answered plainly without tearing her gaze on the geese.

"She's gone. She went to Katniss'", he informed her but Effie didn't face him.

"The medicine bag. Can you hide it someplace I don't know? I don't trust myself knowing where it is", she requested.

Haymitch nodded, understanding the reason why.

"Already did, sweetheart. I saw the look on your face earlier when you saw it. I also returned the bottles to her. Better safe than sorry", he said.

Effie finally met his eyes.

"Thank you", she said.

She's truly grateful. So far, she hadn't received any judgment from him. Of course, he is no position because he's recovering himself but still, she appreciates it.

"Hazelle wanted to have dinner with all of us tonight at Katniss' house", he suddenly said.

Effie didn't flinch.

"You mean she wants to have dinner with all of you. It's fine. I will manage on my own", she corrected.

"Don't be absurd. Of course, you're coming. I already told her and I also ended whatever happened with us in the past and she understood. You're coming with us", he insisted.

She knew it's a disaster in the making but he just did her a favor hiding the medicine bag. It's the least she can do for him.

"Fine. I'll go to the dinner", she agreed.

It was a mistake. As soon as the dinner started, Effie knew it's a mistake. The tension is thick the children can cut it with a knife. Peeta tried to talk about random things, something he learned from her to ease the tension, but it didn't work.

"So, do escorts sleep with their mentors or it's just you?" Hazelle asked Effie bluntly.

Effie held on to her utensils tight like it's her lifeline.

"Not all…some", she answered like it's nothing.

She's used to people interrogating her. This should be nothing.

"I see. So, you drew their names and then threw them to the arena to die and if they survived, you slept with them…am I right?" Hazelle pushed further.

Effie put down the knife and hid her hand under the table napkin and started clenching. It's been a while since the last time she did that and when the sting came, she felt utter release. She relaxed.

"I cannot speak for other escorts since they're all dead but that's not the case for me. I only slept with one victor", she answered and met Haymitch's eyes who is now seething with anger.

He is doing his best to contain it for the children's sakes but Hazelle is really pushing it.

"Too bad for you then. You could've slept with other men but Haymitch is possessive that way so I'm sorry for you", Hazelle said with a fake smile.

Who knows a District woman can be a bitch?

"Oh, you're mistaken. I did sleep with other men in the Capitol. Sex is necessary tool you see to help the children", Effie said.

That earned her lots of eyes and she's feeling conscious. Her hand started clenching again, harder this time.

"Sex to help them? Tell me", Hazelle looked fascinated on humiliating her.

"It's one way to get Sponsors and it's very effective. Haymitch forbid me to do that after some time. Last time I have to do it was when one of my children shot an arrow to the gamemakers. That's a tough one but I managed to keep her alive", Effie answered with the tone of as-a-matter-of-fact.

Hazelle saw how Peeta turned to Katniss as well Haymitch then back to Effie. It's obvious Haymitch didn't know about the one and the kids as well.

Effie is shrinking in her seat from all the attention but she's not backing down from a District woman. She has faced Peacekeepers and rebels in her lifetime to be scared of Hazelle Hawthorne.

"Well, now, I don't see why Haymitch would go for a prostitute and a child murderer", Hazelle spat and that snapped what's left of Haymitch's patience.

His fist met the table and stunned everyone except Effie. She didn't even flinch. Her brain is still chasing the release of pain in her hand but it's not coming no matter how hard she clenches.

"Watch your tone. Effie is not a prostitute or a child murderer. She did what she has to in order to keep the children alive, even when she knew they're lost cause, she still tried to get them Sponsors which no one and I mean no one dared to do and if you want to talk about child murderer, just take a look at your son and you'll see one", Haymitch exclaimed.

Hazelle was taken aback by his hostility. Clearly, she has gotten used to him being drunk all the time. She never saw the violent side of him. The mention of Gale and the unfortunate event of the Hummingbird that killed Capitol's children as well as Prim hit her hard.

Peeta held Katniss' hand who is already red in anger towards the woman. The boy is doing his best to keep it together too.

"That is different, Haymitch", Hazelle muttered.

"I don't see it any different. You don't know Effie, her life, how she ended up as an escort, or the things she did for Twelve and yet here you are judging her. If you don't want to experience the same thing, I suggest you watch your mouth and leave. None of us would like to see you again. Go to Two and don't ever come back", Haymitch said coldly.

The woman didn't let the tears fell from her eyes. She quickly ran out of the house leaving the three Victors and Effie in the dining room.

Effie remained seated, staring at her untouched food. She didn't resist when Haymitch removed the table napkin over her hand and forced her to relax it.

"Get me some clean towel and disinfectant", he said calmly to both Peeta and Katniss. The girl took the boy quickly before he can see the blood on the table.

"Hey, sweetheart. Things will be alright", he whispered.


	10. Chapter 10

_I always thought Katniss is oblivious about Effie's state ever since. She always sees her as the escort and a perfect Capitol doll. The one time she noticed something's different was towards the end when she mentioned about the vacant look in her eyes and that was it so I thought it would be good for her to see first hand the toll of the war and the imprisonment on Effie and also see how much Haymitch has changed for her._

* * *

Katniss returned with the towel and disinfectant without Peeta. She sent him to his house for a moment and promised to return with update about Effie.

"What happened?" she asked still staring at Effie's palm.

Haymitch carefully damped the towel with the disinfectant and patted it on her palm. He noticed how Effie didn't flinch on the contact. Her former self would've made a fuss about the sting and would cry like a baby. Her time in prison toughen her up when it comes to physical pain.

"Hazelle Hawthorne", he answered shortly.

The girl stared at Effie who doesn't seem to be mentally present. Her eyes are gazed inward to some distant memory they cannot reach. She's in a different time and place.

"I have no idea it's this bad. Peeta mentioned some things during their stay in the Capitol but I thought it's normal. I mean it was supposed to be normal for people who went through war but this is _not_ normal", Katniss said.

"No one knows what really happened in that cell when she got left behind and I don't want to know and I don't want her to keep remembering if I can help it. She's doing better. She's finally doing better", he explained and then stared a little longer at her palm. "I shouldn't have forced her to go to this stupid dinner. She knew it won't end well and I still insisted. I wanted to prove to her that Hazelle didn't mean anything to me and that I chose her. I chose Effie. I wanted to show her she belongs to our table. I should've listened to her", he confessed.

His fear of her having a relapse is getting stronger. The fact that she hurt herself again after weeks is a big factor of his fear. He made a note to put a lock on the where he hid the medicine bag just to be sure.

"It's not your fault. It's Hazelle. She cannot deal with our life and she remains stuck in the past. To be honest, I am glad you stepped up for Effie because I was so close in stabbing her with my fork", Katniss said.

The two looked at each other and the girl smiled briefly. Somehow, it eases the dark feelings inside of him.

"For what it's worth, I was really holding back on doing the same thing", he teased and the two chuckled briefly.

Haymitch then secured a bandage around Effie's palm and held on to her hand before brushing her cheek with his fingers gently.

"Sweetheart, come back", he whispered.

The girl watched with fascination how Haymitch retrieved Effie from her own memories. It's obvious it's been done with so much practice because she has never seen him that gentle before.

"Haymitch?" Effie asked like she's surprised to see him there.

"Yes, princess. You're in Twelve and you're safe", he answered and cupped her cheek with his hands. "You're safe. Do you want to go home and rest?" he asked and she only nodded.

He helped her get on her feet and nodded towards Katniss who didn't say a word, only nodded back.

The girl remained by the dining table with her eyes glued to their backs. A smile formed upon her lips. If anyone would've asked her before if it's possible to see Haymitch become someone else other than a drunk, she would've laughed. Things changed now. He changed. He changed for Effie. He is starting to live his life again and try to be happy. A tear fell from her eyes but she shed it right away.

"Everything alright? I saw Haymitch and Effie leave so I thought it's good to come back", Peeta asked her.

Katniss turned to him and smiled. "Everything is going to be alright. Let's go to bed", she said.


	11. Chapter 11

_I know I mentioned I wanted this to be long but another idea popped into my head and my brain gotta move to another which is also a hayffiee ff so I got you covered on that one_

* * *

Effie felt weak when she lay down on Haymitch's bed. All the emotions drained her energy and her muscles felt limp. She didn't protest when Haymitch started removing her shoes and then moved to undressing her.

His intention is innocent. He just wanted her to be comfortable. It is quite cold and he knows how much she likes his pajamas and shirt when sleeping.

"Please don't open the lights", she pleaded when she saw him reaching for the switch.

"You don't like it off", he frowned.

She can never sleep with the lights off.

"I don't want you to see", she muttered with slight embarrassment.

His brain processed that for a few seconds before realizing what she actually meant. It's the scars. She doesn't want him to see her scars. Well, it's not like he hasn't them. When she was at the hospital, he saw a fair amount but he hasn't seen the full extent of it on her body and she obviously didn't want him to see her scars.

"It's alright, princess. I don't mind. I got my own remember", he said softly.

There is no need to be embarrassed at all for him. His body is not perfect either. It's never been after his games and she never said a word about it so why would he?

"They're ugly, Haymitch and I don't want you to look at me differently", she explained.

He sighed.

"Sweetheart, ugly is the hideous clothes you used to wear and those horrible wigs on your pretty head. Those things were ugly. Your natural you is never ugly, even if you try, even if you're covered with scars", he said.

Effie tried to think of any excuse to prevent him from proceeding but she couldn't think of any, not after what he just said. Haymitch switched on the lights and removed her dress. Effie averted her eyes so she wouldn't see his reaction.

Haymitch didn't say a word nor give any expression on his face but he can feel his guts turning when his eyes lay upon her scarred back. The crisscross markings on her skin screams whip and he knows how painful that feels. He's been there before and to think how many times that whip touched her skin makes him sick. He doesn't need to think how many times it happened. He can just simply count the marks on her back and he will know but he chose not to do that to himself because he may lose control of himself and start breaking things.

Instead, he continued dressing her properly without failing to see the surgery scar on her left shoulder and her right ankle.

"There, all comfy", he muttered once he's done.

Effie looked at his eyes for a moment like she's searching for something else other than what he's saying. She then put her hand on his face.

"It's not your fault", she muttered and that sent shivers down his spine. "It was never your fault", she added.

It is scary how well she can read his mind by just looking at him.

"It's not that easy to believe", he almost whispered.

"You did your best. You kept me alive. They locked me up because they knew where my allegiance lies from the start. Snow knew that. He saw that from miles away. It wasn't your fault. I made my choice", she insisted.

Everything is her choice. She was given the opportunity to be promoted but she declined each time there's an offer. Whenever she sensed danger coming Twelve's way, she put herself in the middle and tried her best to shield her district from Capitol's wrath. She sold her own body to give the children their chance to survive. She spearheaded those golden tokens to show everyone her team is united as ever. She knew all along she's walking on a dangerous line but she continued anyway. It's her choice. It's always been her choice.

"That was really stupid", he muttered.

"Well, you said I was never smart", she teased and it made him smile a little. "So, stop blaming yourself. There are things that are out of your control and you need to accept that. We have everything now, I guess. I am not there yet but I will get there. We have enough to move forward", she added.

The turnaround of events surprised Haymitch. The positivity that he thought she lost in prison is coming back rapidly and he likes it.

"I see the optimism is back", he commented with a smirk.

"The dinner earlier made me realized that it's no good being stuck in the mentality of the past. Hazelle is that. She cannot move on from the past, what the game and the Capitol caused and I don't want to be like her. I've been stuck in the past for a long time and I am still getting pulled down there from time to time but if you and the children can manage to get past all the trauma and thrive, perhaps I can too", she said.

"You have no idea how much I have been waiting for you to say that", he muttered and pulled her into his arms. "You can get past it too. We're all here. You're not alone", he added.

There are so many things left unsaid. There are many questions left in his mind but he knows he has a lifetime left to ask them of her. Right now, there is just him and her and the kids and their quest on finding the life of a Victor that's been taken away from them a long time ago.

**THE END**


End file.
